Alone
by Ceressky
Summary: Kaoru walks around the dojo the night before she meets Kenshin and thinks about her life.


Author's Note: This is my first Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction, so go easy on me

Author's Note: This is my first Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction, so go easy on me. J This fic takes place the night before the first episode and reveals Kaoru's feelings about living by herself. I noticed in the episodes I've seen that Kaoru has a fear of being left alone, especially by Kenshin. I thought it would be interesting to write a fic about what her life was like before Kenshin, Sanosuke, Yahiko, and Megumi came along. If this idea has been used already, I apologize bows respectfully to the author. After all, I am only a newbie to the series.

Alone

By Gray Nymph

Kaoru Kamiya stared down at the plate in front of her, not really seeing the fish sitting on it. She poked the fish once and then sighed, leaning back to gaze at the ceiling. The sun had set long ago, and a small lantern by her plate shed the only light in the room, leaving the ceiling a black blur above her. Dr. Gensai and his granddaughters were away on vacation. The doctor had been kind enough to invite her along, but Kaoru had politely declined, knowing that she could not abandon her students for even a few days. Unfortunately, the absence of her closest friends meant lonely nights at the dojo after her students had gone home.

"It's so quiet here," Kaoru whispered. 

She pushed her plate away, not feeling hungry anymore. Dr. Gensai often insisted on having Kaoru over for dinner with his family. Kaoru smiled slightly. He knew that she skipped many meals simply because she did not have the urge to cook, and he would make sure she had a good meal by inviting her to his house. She missed the childish chatter of Ayame and Suzume, Dr. Gensai's granddaughters. They always brightened the dojo with their laughter and charming ways whenever they came to visit. 

Kaoru picked up the lantern in one hand and the untouched plate in the other. She slowly walked into the kitchen and set the plate on the floor. One of the cats that frequented the dojo would probably see it as a midnight snack. 

Kaoru walked out onto the porch and sat down on the edge with the sigh. A few fireflies darted about, their abdomens blinking on and off like magic candles. She remembered chasing fireflies as a girl. One night, she had taken a box out with her and had run about the dojo's courtyard until she caught one of the "fire spirits" as she had called them. Excited, she had run inside to show her father. He had laughed at her exuberance and then knelt down to her level. Kaoru felt tears fill her eyes as she remembered the wise words of her father.

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"Kaoru, you should let it go free." Her father stroked her hair, smiling gently. 

"But I want to keep it, Father. It's so pretty. I'll take good care of it." Kaoru cradled the box in her hands, trying to get a peek into the box through the small holes she had poked into the sides.

Her father's hand lowered to settle on her shoulder, and by the look on his face, Kaoru could tell he was going to talk to her as he did to his students.

"Kaoru, if you were a firefly, where would you want to be?"

Kaoru bit her lip, knowing exactly where her father was going with his question. She pointed out the front door to the courtyard. "Out there."

"Don't you think that is where the firefly would want to be too?"

Kaoru nodded, trying to keep her bottom lip from trembling.

Her father's voice softened. He touched her lips with his strong calloused fingers. "It will be lonely in the box all by itself. It wants to be out there, dancing with others of its kind. If you keep it in that box, it will die, alone."

Alone. As she was now. Kaoru stared up at the bowl of midnight sky, feeling her bottom lip trembling as it had all those years ago. She had let the firefly go. And her father had comforted her afterwards. If only he were here to comfort her now, to hold her, to tell her that she would no longer be alone. 

"Father, why did you leave me?" Kaoru whispered to herself. 

The stars twinkled above her, but they failed to answer her thoughtful question. Even the moon was a stranger tonight. Half of its cratered face was obscured by the earth's shadow, making the moonlight dimmer than usual. Kaoru lowered her gaze to the dark buildings surrounding her. She could walk around the dojo in her sleep, and yet even those objects seemed to shy away from her. The night always stole away the warm familiar appearance of the dojo. 

Kaoru glanced down at the lantern beside her. It was her only companion during the evenings. She carried it with her about the dojo before going to bed, when she checked all the rooms, locking them up. The wick in the lantern was already beginning to flicker, so she stood to her feet, ready to go about her daily routine. First, she headed for the dojo's central room, the practice room. The place where she taught her students, where she had learned her first lesson in the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu from her father, where the names of the school's students were displayed proudly on the wall to remind the current students of their heritage. 

Kaoru entered the practice room reverently. There were too many ghosts here. Not real ghosts. Just the presence of her father and other students she had known and loved as much as she had her father. Usually, Kaoru would scan the recesses of the room with the light from her lantern and then turn and walk out, locking the door behind her. But tonight, she had the sudden urge to read through the nameplates on the wall. Today, she had read the newspaper to find that a man calling himself "Hitokiri Battousai" was wreaking havoc on the city and smearing the reputation of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu with his antics. After reading the article, Kaoru had vowed to find him and defend the honor of her school. She finished scanning the nameplates.

Kaoru set the lantern on the floor in front of her father's shrine. She touched his name lovingly and then got down on her knees. She gazed up at the nameplate.

"I promise to defeat the man who dares to use the name of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu for evil. The sword that protects. I haven't forgotten, Father. I know you would advocate my actions, for I will be protecting our name. I cannot allow your name to be so marred."

Kaoru bowed her head. "I ask for your blessing, Father." She felt an overwhelming weariness sweep over her. "I ask for your strength…" She felt her eyelids begin to close, and her head dipped to touch the floor. She was helpless as sleep overcame her thoughts. The lantern beside her flickered down lower and winked out, leaving Kaoru in dense blackness. She opened her eyes once to see that the room around her was dark, but she was too far gone to stand to her feet. She slipped to a prostrate position on the floor, cradlng her head in her arms.

"I ask… for… your love…," Kaoru whispered before a curtain of dreams fell across her mind.

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Tomorrow, you will no longer be alone…

In her dreams, Kaoru smiled.


End file.
